What do you think about this writing? Would you keep reading it?


Ramses stands at the top of the peak engulfed in the moonlight. As he looks out over the land he wonders if he will ever find a place to call home. He and his four brothers moved to Tucson nine months ago and now they have to find a new place to live before the Gahiji try to kill them all. Ramses shakes his head to get the nightmares from he mind. He runs down the peak to the ranch his brothers and him live. As he reaches the fence that surrounds the ranch he sees part of it is braking.


2 thoughts on “Ramses

  1. I think the idea is solid. I’m interested to know why they are being hunted.
    I am assuming that this is a first draft so typos would be expected. The main suggestion that I have is, if this is going to be your opening paragraph, pay close attention to your details so others wouldn’t be turned off from reading further. (If he is engulfed in the moonlight, a break in the fence is not likely to show as he is running past it). Minor details but they can make a big difference to the reader, especially right at the beginning.


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